8th
Space: the endless frontier
Everyone is excited about Star Trek, right? The cast is young and pretty and there’s lots of space battles and Starfleet Academy scenes and Harold is playing Sulu and oh, is that a construction crew building the Enterprise???? I’m more of a TNG fan than an OG fan myself, but still. Excited. But knowing this is a J.J. Abrams’ joint, I have been avoiding reviews at all costs. Those last pages in this week’s New Yorker? I’m pretending they aren’t even there. Why? Cause Mr. Abrams loves a surprise like M. Night Shyamalan used to. Here are my guesses on what the supersecret twist is: 1. The Enterprise crew, stumbling upon ancient relics like Brett Spinner’s prolific twitter logs and William Shatner’s Priceline commercials, realize they don’t really exist, but are merely conceits existing only in Gene Roddenberry’s head. 2. Spock and Kirk time travel and meet their future selves. Kirk becomes horrified, and installs a gym program in the holodeck to try and change what once went wrong. 3. Spock impregnates a young Dr. Crusher, and is, in fact, the father of Wesley Crusher. All those lame stories about her dead husband? False! All our questions about why Wesley is hyperintelligent and wears complicated sweaters? Explained! This somehow wildly spins off into a series about the Starfleet Academy, which would be AWESOME! Imagine a cross between Gossip Girl and something extremely nerdy and you have Star Trek: SFA. 4. Someone will actually agree to see this movie with me so I won’t be eating popcorn alone in the dark.
